Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
