the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
