You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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