dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
