I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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