when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
