Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I love having hate sex.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
