hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
