I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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