Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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