hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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