i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
