i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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