i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
