Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
