Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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