That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
