I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize