I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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