Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
