My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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