I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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