Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
