if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
