I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
