okay pat passed out under dana's car
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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