I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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