broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize