Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
