I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
