He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
