took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My pussy is not your playground.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
