dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
