In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
