Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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