that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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