omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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