i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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