You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
