I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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