Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
