so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
