Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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