Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
