I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
