i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
