the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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