He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
