My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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