we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
