1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
false alarm. still invincible.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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