i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Someone shattered a urinal.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
