I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it glows. i had to have it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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