i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
