UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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