Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
