i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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