Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
