I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
