I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
