we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
