Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize