1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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