Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it's like iHOP with fire
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
we're so committed to being not committed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
