every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
