i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize