He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
