what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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