I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
