I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
