my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize