Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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