Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize