I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
